What's Wrong with Me? - Part IV
I am a sociable person. How do I know? I like to talk. I'm one of those people that when asked, "How are you doing today? What can I get you?" from the round, red, In-N-Out speaker, answers honestly and follows up with "And how are you?" I have no problem striking up a conversation with a server or a host/ess (I don't discriminate).
I like having conversations with my friends. Finding out what's been going on in their lives, adding feedback, advice, or snide comments--whatever the conversation calls for.
With those at work, I am good-humored, though cynical.
But with people I like, I am a tad different.
Recently the Counselor pointed out to me that I don't just carry a conversation; I have a tendency to direct it. I change topics through segues or I'll use a thinly lined tangent to move the discussion elsewhere. She says she gets dragged along, having to navigate the tangential conversation. I don't feel aware of it. It's not that I'm using non sequiturs, although I occasionally do, so I can then have an excuse to say the word "non sequitur" (cooler than using "segue").
Why do I do this? Do I have to feel in control of a conversation?
The Counselor says that sometimes when a serious conversation comes up, my questions sidetrack her. I merely ask the questions for clarification. That and curiosity.
Am I just dodging the serious talk? Am I trying to lighten it up?
She says it's gotten to be as bad as being herded--Matt, the conversational sheepdog.
Last night, we were talking. She asked me why I'm so confused lately.
I started to answer, then said, "Do you remember when you were confused over how to handle your backstabbing friends? How are you handling them?"
She answered me. I added a comment to her response.
She leaned back, looked my expression over, and said, "Woof."
Wanna know what else is wrong with me? Click these: I, II, III
I like having conversations with my friends. Finding out what's been going on in their lives, adding feedback, advice, or snide comments--whatever the conversation calls for.
With those at work, I am good-humored, though cynical.
But with people I like, I am a tad different.
Recently the Counselor pointed out to me that I don't just carry a conversation; I have a tendency to direct it. I change topics through segues or I'll use a thinly lined tangent to move the discussion elsewhere. She says she gets dragged along, having to navigate the tangential conversation. I don't feel aware of it. It's not that I'm using non sequiturs, although I occasionally do, so I can then have an excuse to say the word "non sequitur" (cooler than using "segue").
Why do I do this? Do I have to feel in control of a conversation?
The Counselor says that sometimes when a serious conversation comes up, my questions sidetrack her. I merely ask the questions for clarification. That and curiosity.
Am I just dodging the serious talk? Am I trying to lighten it up?
She says it's gotten to be as bad as being herded--Matt, the conversational sheepdog.
Last night, we were talking. She asked me why I'm so confused lately.
I started to answer, then said, "Do you remember when you were confused over how to handle your backstabbing friends? How are you handling them?"
She answered me. I added a comment to her response.
She leaned back, looked my expression over, and said, "Woof."
Wanna know what else is wrong with me? Click these: I, II, III
posted by matty at 10:52 PM
5 Comments:
You know she's right, Matt. I can remember you being like that since I started hanging out with you. But it is just you. Forget about it. . . okay, I take that back. SOMETIMES it is nice to not be like that.
My wife is like that but many times in a worse way. I will be in the middle of something and she will randomly ask if I remembered to pay the phone bill or some crap. That's REALLY annoying. At least you are on a similar topic if nothing else.
Just think of it as a thirst to get beneath the surface of the conversation.
I think some of that's just how conversations work. You ask each other questions and stray from the topic and one thing reminds you of another, and a lot of the time you have no idea how you got onto the subject you end up on. I have one friend who is particularly good at remember what the hell it is we were talking about and remembering to come back to that: after the conversation has taken 12 different turns and tangents, she'll say "Anyhow, what were you saying about your trip to Great Falls?"
I wonder if you are guiding the conversation partly out of a habit you have developed as a teacher. I know that when I was working as a TA, I certainly developed that habit. I'd have friends over for dinner and afterwards I would realize that I had been guiding the discussion the whole time, asking questions, following up on stuff, just like in a discussion section at school. And I think of myself as fairly sociable, but I am much more of an introvert than you, so I always felt tired by the end of it all.
You know, this blog reminds me of a funny story...
Liz,
that's an interesting point. maybe teaching has done that to me. god, i hope not. i never wanted to be a teacher anyway, let alone have it influence my life away from work.
I don't think it means anything is wrong with you - it's partly the way conversations are, the way your mind works, your empathic side. But then there's that other part...
the counselor
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