What's Wrong with Me? - Part II
I'm a tough cookie. No, I couldn't beat up a parapalegic, 10 year old "little person." What I mean is I have a tough skin. I can stand up to people in arguments, can stand up for what I believe in, and even on the rare occasion stand up for others. I think that I can keep my cool in many situations. I can admit when I make mistakes. I can shrug off stupid things that I do.
But I am an absolute softie when it comes to my writing.
I asked a friend, a published writer equipped with an agent and editor friends to read a piece of my writing. I had felt content that I wrote a quick paced, humorous piece.
Then I got the feedback and comments. I hadn't felt this way since I graduated from my college's creative writing program. I forgot the feeling of being critiqued, of someone poring through my work with a careful, yet sometimes not thoughtful, eye.
But it IS criticism. If it wasn't, it would be called "whatchuwannahear."
Yet, knowing this in the back of my head, it doesn't hold up the least bit of defense when I receive feedback from someone.
Grammatical suggestions are one thing; they aren't a problem. But when my ideas are critiqued, I have a tendency to take it personally. It hits me hard. I can get on the defensive. I start trying to justify what I wrote or what I was doing. I argue that the critic simply missed the point.
When criticism hits me, it's in an emotional spot. I can be made to feel as if I'm standing naked in front of my ex while she laughs uncomfortably at me. My heart sinks, eyes water, and I feel so discouraged.
Part of me searches for pity. But what's the use? I'm 26 and have aspirations to make a living in writing. I can't settle on being a teacher who teaches writing but can't do it. I can't make a living in hypocrisy. I have to realize that there is a chance because there is plenty of crap on the shelves at my local bookstore. My writing may not be at the academic/intellectual level, but I gotta have something better than John Grisham. At least my titles wouldn't start with the use of an article.
I gotta take my bruises, welts, my softspot, and build a shell. Of course, I have to make sure the shell doesn't get built up around my ears. We don't need me any more stubborn than I already am, and we certainly don't need any more writers who think they're the greatest gift to this world.
But I am an absolute softie when it comes to my writing.
I asked a friend, a published writer equipped with an agent and editor friends to read a piece of my writing. I had felt content that I wrote a quick paced, humorous piece.
Then I got the feedback and comments. I hadn't felt this way since I graduated from my college's creative writing program. I forgot the feeling of being critiqued, of someone poring through my work with a careful, yet sometimes not thoughtful, eye.
But it IS criticism. If it wasn't, it would be called "whatchuwannahear."
Yet, knowing this in the back of my head, it doesn't hold up the least bit of defense when I receive feedback from someone.
Grammatical suggestions are one thing; they aren't a problem. But when my ideas are critiqued, I have a tendency to take it personally. It hits me hard. I can get on the defensive. I start trying to justify what I wrote or what I was doing. I argue that the critic simply missed the point.
When criticism hits me, it's in an emotional spot. I can be made to feel as if I'm standing naked in front of my ex while she laughs uncomfortably at me. My heart sinks, eyes water, and I feel so discouraged.
Part of me searches for pity. But what's the use? I'm 26 and have aspirations to make a living in writing. I can't settle on being a teacher who teaches writing but can't do it. I can't make a living in hypocrisy. I have to realize that there is a chance because there is plenty of crap on the shelves at my local bookstore. My writing may not be at the academic/intellectual level, but I gotta have something better than John Grisham. At least my titles wouldn't start with the use of an article.
I gotta take my bruises, welts, my softspot, and build a shell. Of course, I have to make sure the shell doesn't get built up around my ears. We don't need me any more stubborn than I already am, and we certainly don't need any more writers who think they're the greatest gift to this world.
posted by matty at 5:19 PM
4 Comments:
Shut up, you *ussy, and get back to writing! Use your blog to build your confidence you whiny mofo.
Hey, you gotta be at least an ok writer for us to tune in and see what your latest musings have lead you. We have to find that at least a bit entertaining.
I think that criticism is important for a writer to grow. You haven't been critiqued since college; you've forgotten what it feels like for someone to tear up one of your pieces in order to show you that you need to grow. I liked your story about jury duty, but maybe it needs more. It needs to evolve and so do you. If you want to be a writer you can't go to mush every time someone says something about an idea or concept that you hold dear. I’m sorry that this hurt you but I know that you will be able to overcome this set back. And eventually move on, hopefully quickly.
I'm glad that you've recognized your mushy spots and unwillingness to accept creative criticism. It's not easy, that's for damn sure, but I think you're on the right track. This blog is helpful and whoever said it above me is right...we still read it for a reason. Personally, I like your style and outlook. You have an honesty and sarcastic wit that conisistently cracks me up. Just keep writing everyday and you will hone your talents and your voice.
I'm not worried that you can't acheive what you really want as long as you don't get discouraged and give up.
-Vic
Post a Comment
<< Home