Extra Holiday Expenditures #3
Why do I purchase things for my ex? I haven't spoken to her in nearly a month. We have been broken up for a year and a half. She's living with a 34 year old who made a pass at my sister when he was about 27, which meant my sister was still in high school.
But I was there at Tower Records. My eyes caught sight of the two albums by The Shins. Both albums have had regular play in my car stereo for the last few months. I knew she liked Garden State, so she would probably like the albums.
My brain stopped me from reaching out, saying, "What are you doing? She's not getting you anything. Leave it alone. You both may be talking, but that's all it is. She's not even a friend. You don't share your problems with each other. You both can't even mention the people you're seeing to each other. You pretend they don't exist."
Something shoved my hand forward, stating, "Remember her smile, those dimples."
So I bought them both.
A day later I was at Sav-On. I held one blank VHS tape in my hand. (Yeah, I'm surprised they're still made too.) I looked at the others on the rack.
Before I lifted my hand my brain said, "What're you doing? You got her two CDs. She doesn't deserve anything more."
Something replied, "Make her smile on her birthday."
So I bought an extra tape. On it I recorded two TiVoed hockey playoff games. One of them we attended, where we experienced one of the greatest comebacks in our sports history.
I wrapped the CDs, wrapped the VHS tape with a "reserve-for-12/28" note on it, and placed it in a cardboard box with her name on it. I dropped it off late at night on the 26th on the porch of her parents'.
The next day I swung by my parents to check on my grandfather's leg, to play some games, and to have a drink or three. I held up my Caucasian and made a toast--to exes and caring hearts. Fuck me.
But I was there at Tower Records. My eyes caught sight of the two albums by The Shins. Both albums have had regular play in my car stereo for the last few months. I knew she liked Garden State, so she would probably like the albums.
My brain stopped me from reaching out, saying, "What are you doing? She's not getting you anything. Leave it alone. You both may be talking, but that's all it is. She's not even a friend. You don't share your problems with each other. You both can't even mention the people you're seeing to each other. You pretend they don't exist."
Something shoved my hand forward, stating, "Remember her smile, those dimples."
So I bought them both.
A day later I was at Sav-On. I held one blank VHS tape in my hand. (Yeah, I'm surprised they're still made too.) I looked at the others on the rack.
Before I lifted my hand my brain said, "What're you doing? You got her two CDs. She doesn't deserve anything more."
Something replied, "Make her smile on her birthday."
So I bought an extra tape. On it I recorded two TiVoed hockey playoff games. One of them we attended, where we experienced one of the greatest comebacks in our sports history.
I wrapped the CDs, wrapped the VHS tape with a "reserve-for-12/28" note on it, and placed it in a cardboard box with her name on it. I dropped it off late at night on the 26th on the porch of her parents'.
The next day I swung by my parents to check on my grandfather's leg, to play some games, and to have a drink or three. I held up my Caucasian and made a toast--to exes and caring hearts. Fuck me.
posted by matty at 1:51 PM
3 Comments:
Wow, your dad is right, you don't want to get over her. You still want to win her back. I'm kind of disapointed in you, I thought you were stronger than that.
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I think your gesture was incredibly sweet, even if you knew it was misdirected. I would suggest, when the mood to buy for her strikes, to buy for yourself instead. There's nothing like "feel good" presents when you're feeling vulnerable. At least, it's helped me from time to time. Chin up!
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